the more i think the more i ramble and the more i write.

Tears cloud my eyes as I’m reminded of how lonely I feel sometimes here in Kenosha.

Everyone keeps telling me that it takes time, but I’m just so…hungry. Yearning. Needing.

I know He sees it, and I know there’s a reason,  but it just hurts when I feel like half of my heart is up north with my family and friends, and the other half is down here with me. I just feel like that’s so wrong to not “be all there”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, just how easy it is for me to say I will always be a loner,

so easy for me to say that i’m not a people person.  but really i’m called to be something so different from that.

so why do i find it so hard to be somebody new??

it’s ridiculous really but i keep feeling like… i’m READY for new things, i’m READY and HUNGRY for new life,

to learn more from God, about God. just WAITING in anticipation.

but the problem is, i feel like i have no direction.

i talked with maggie about this one day and she said that sometimes you just have to live life.

i don’t know how to do that.

i’m SO action-based, just SO… need to do something RIGHT now to change things.

but i’m stuck. at least i feel stuck. like i can’t move forward and i can’t even really go back.

“Lord move in the way that i’ve never seen before,

cuz there’s a mountain in the way and lock on the door,

i’m drifting away, waves are crashing on the floor,

so Lord move… or move me.”


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