Tears cloud my eyes as I’m reminded of how lonely I feel sometimes here in Kenosha.
Everyone keeps telling me that it takes time, but I’m just so…hungry. Yearning. Needing.
I know He sees it, and I know there’s a reason, but it just hurts when I feel like half of my heart is up north with my family and friends, and the other half is down here with me. I just feel like that’s so wrong to not “be all there”
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, just how easy it is for me to say I will always be a loner,
so easy for me to say that i’m not a people person. but really i’m called to be something so different from that.
so why do i find it so hard to be somebody new??
it’s ridiculous really but i keep feeling like… i’m READY for new things, i’m READY and HUNGRY for new life,
to learn more from God, about God. just WAITING in anticipation.
but the problem is, i feel like i have no direction.
i talked with maggie about this one day and she said that sometimes you just have to live life.
i don’t know how to do that.
i’m SO action-based, just SO… need to do something RIGHT now to change things.
but i’m stuck. at least i feel stuck. like i can’t move forward and i can’t even really go back.
“Lord move in the way that i’ve never seen before,
cuz there’s a mountain in the way and lock on the door,
i’m drifting away, waves are crashing on the floor,
so Lord move… or move me.”