last night i got done with work an hour early since i got there early… and i came back to K-town thinking “okay i have to probably work in the morning (on call shift) so i should go to bed early” but no that’s not what happened. i’d had a very stressful kind of week and had 2 major happy and uplifting points to it, that have inspired me to write this blog.
hmm where to start? well i guess i can start by saying that since i moved to Keno, i’ve met LOTS of people, but not really clicked with too many. considering it’s ridiculously hard for me to trust people, that just makes it twice as hard for me to put myself out there. well, at our church conference God really spoke to me and pushed me into not being an introvert. so i had been kind of *waves hand back & forth* iffy about it all, i mean, yeah i had friends here but the truth is i don’t see them hardly ever. once a month if i’m lucky, and lately, it’s been less and well, it’s very easy for me to believe i am invisible when this happens. so i’m fighting these feelings and thoughts, telling myself lonely doesn’t last forever, and it was around this time i went to Ignite Fest, which meant a beautiful day of getting to hang with my friends in Disciple, and it really was a FULL day of getting to hang out. i couldn’t have asked for better. from the minute i got there at 1:30, i got to hang out with them. got to chill on the bus and at the merch table, catering and whatever else. i even got to talk to Kevin for a good while, which was one of the hardest things i’ve done yet, but he was patient in my frustrations at putting thoughts to words, and listened and was honest. it was good for my heart. the whole day was. saying goodbye with them is never easy, but somehow this time it was easier than others, November wasn’t that far away really…right? well, that’s what i was telling myself, what i still tell myself. concerts to me have always equated with happiness and knowing what love is like.
well… not too long ago, i began hanging out with 2 guys from my homegroup, and at first i was extremely apprehensive. kind of like “okay sure, tonight was a big deal, Dan got baptised in the Holy Spirit, so i’ll go celebrate but after this i don’t think i’ll do this anymore” well i was wrong. the three of us together reminds me almost of friends i was acquainted with in high school….we can be completely serious and discuss deep stuff, God stuff, or we can be completely ridiculous and laugh a lot. we’re pretty honest with each other, especially as far as stuff goes with God, if we’re struggling with something or if something great happens, we talk about it…and we support each other. i don’t understand it and most of the time it terrifies me because i know at any second, it could be over and i could be hurting again, but for some reason, more than ever, i know it’s worth it, even if i DO get hurt in the end.
last night, i got done with work early right? and so instead, i got a text that said “well we’re gonna go bowling, would you like to come with?” and instantly i was like YES. so i replied and got ready to go have a fun friday night. and wow did i have fun. Phil watched me bowl, saw me get frustrated, and just like memorising scripture earlier this week, he was patient & corrected me, which ended up drastically improving things. i was bowling better than i EVER had…and having a blast to boot. i laughed so hard my stomach hurt and i was singing along with the music and when i knocked all the pins down, made up a victory dance. i was SO HAPPY but then i got afraid. but the truth is, the most amazing things are both beautiful and terrifying, a close friend told me that once and i have come to adopt that same belief.
i love my friends.