i’ll probably delete this eventually.

so the only best friend i have is taking a hiatus for a month at least.  that means over Christmas. she lives in texas & i live in wisconsin. she’s asking for no contact unless it’s an emergency. after everything i’ve been feeling today i HATE THIS. not her decision, but just how truly alone i am. doesn’t matter that i moved to kenosha and was obedient to God, i KNOW that makes Him happy and all of that but right here, right now in this moment, it just SUCKS that i have no one to talk to about this.  no one who i feel safe enough to let in.  and plus it’s practically Christmas so everyone is going home for the holidays, including me.  this is probably going to be the hardest week of work that i’ve ever faced.  the awful part is how much i desire to hang out and be with people, that’s the thing no one gets. i’m told so much “well hang out with people more, talk! get to know people!” when the fact is, i am just plain not invited, kind of like thanksgiving. no one invited me to have thanksgiving with them, that’s just how my life goes.  i’m not in the “popular” crowd and so i end up alone. like right now, no plans on a sunday night pff i may as well be working.  instead i’m going to go for a drive because that’s what people do when they’re alone. cool.

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