there’s something about a new year, a new month, a new day, a new season…
and i do believe this is a new season of sorts for me, kind of like a sub-season.
i’m always confused when i get pulled under and then i resurface… and by that i mean
from a place of depression-anxiety-unhappiness to a place of peace and joy. it’s so strange.
every single time….though i must say, it’s a LOT harder to go under now that i’m Kenosha.
i honestly think it has happened maybe only 3 times since i first moved here a year ago (almost
a year ago!!) that is an amazing thing to me…and the times that it’s happened, God has used
people i know and love to help pull me out, i mean, ultimately, yes, it’s Him doing it and me
letting Him, but He has intricately used people each time.
let me explain…
being “under” is quite a lot like almost drowning– like being under water.
–you can’t really breathe because you feel so heavy
–everything is fuzzy: thinking, activities, even sleeping is strange.
–it feels like a dream that you can’t wake up out of
but waking up is how i imagine it feels to be born for the first time from the womb.
it’s BREATHING. it’s laughing. it’s seeing everything freshly.
it’s like waking up from a too-long sleep and being fully awake.
the awfully annoying part of it all for me is, you see, i can’t just “snap” out of it always.
most times, something has to happen to trigger me coming out of it or something along
those lines, usually praying in tongues really helps keep me from being too “under”
but talking to God doesn’t always and then it gets tricky. my next step is to attempt to
spend time with friends and laugh or just DO things together and that’s what i did this
time, it really helped even though i wasn’t totally sure about it. i basically went to church
yesterday morning, absolutely nothing was going on and to be honest i wasn’t into it.
i mean i definitely was communicating with God but it was really…dead.
so then after that i went to lunch with my friend and we ended up going back to her place
after lunch and just hanging out. literally doing absolutely nothing except laying on the
couch and watching movies, which, both of us were super tired & she REALLY fell asleep
for awhile and i won’t lie, i dozed off a bit too. after that, i came home went to walmart and
ended up going BACK to her place to hang and watch another movie, seriously so bizarre for
me. and after that… i felt SO different.
so i came home and went to bed right away since i had to be awake at 5am because i had to work
at 6am (floorsets are EVIL i SWEAR) i am not a morning person normally, let alone in the winter
and coming out of a depression spell…yeah so i didn’t hardly sleep. fell “asleep” (i say that SUPER
loosely because it was a super anxious sleep, like, i would pass out for like 10-15 minutes and then
jolt awake again breathing hard for whatever reason) and so i woke up, at 4. my alarm was set for 5
but there was absolutely no way i was going to be able to go BACK to sleep after that…i wasn’t really
asleep anyway. so i got up, went to work and was there for 8 hours. let me tell you ALL the crazies
were out shopping today. anywho… i came home, took a nap & tomorrow i’m awake early again.
it’s super strange. the whole reason i was talking about work was to bring up the super random text
i got while i was at work today…from my homegroup leader whose number wasn’t in my phone for
whatever random reason, i swear half the time they don’t save when i click “save” but whatever haha.
basically, he signed me up for V&C and initially i was annoyed cuz it was a do and then tell later, i
wasn’t aware of it until today… but after thinking about it and talking it over with a friend i realize it’s
absolutely right for it to happen… now if my work schedule will adapt and change everything will be set.
change and boldness and stepping bit by bit into newness. that’s what is coming up.
oh yeah!! The Spark is releasing their “shine brightly” album SOON!!!!!!!
oh i cannot WAIT!!!!! “shine through us” is definitely my favorite worship song.
BRING IT ON.