God told me to do the school of worship.
He gave me a full time job.
He gave me stability.
Then winter hit.
And for the first time in a long time, I was afraid.
I didn’t know how to be myself anymore.
Who I am was never enough for anything.
Several unfortunate financial problems occurred.
Car, cell phone, a scam.
Then God spoke to me “time to move on”
and my friends spoke to me, “time for something new”
Uncertainty completely overwhelmed me.
I could not, could not control anything at all.
Sleep was lost, food hard to consume.
My waking thoughts a torment.
My sleeping dreams full of fear and anguish.
Emptiness came over me.
Emptiness consumed me.
Laughter was hard, but many attempts were made.
Speaking honesty became difficult.
“I”m fine.” and then paste on a smile.
Now it’s March.
and I am still afraid.
and I am still uncertain.
every door seems closed.
Hope is elusively sprinting away from my grasp.
“Be still.” He whispered.
and I was still –for a time.
but then the whirlwind began again.
and enraged by my silence, the darkness resumed with fury.